Some things on tv are just too much, meaning that you learn something that you really could have lived your whole life without being blessed with the knowledge it bestows upon you.
Take today, for instance. I was minding my own business and having my coffee when I started scrolling through the channels and came across a show I had never heard about. Now, I am not going to name the show, as this is not an advertisement, but I have to share. It went something like this:
In a quiet burb, neighbors notice a tall woman (we’ll call the Amazon Queen from here) standing down by the parole office. What a parole office was doing in a quiet residential area is beyond me, but that is not where we are going here. So these neighbors notice this tall woman standing around and going around the building with man after man so they call someone to “stake” her out and help them get rid of the prostitute they desperately do not want in their neighborhood. Hereafter we will call this group the “Idiots” for shiggles.
Enter the Idiots. They decide to sit outside of the parole office in an RV unnoticed. First of all, that would totally be noticed in my neighborhood as we would have caught on super quick. These neighbors seem to overlook this monstrosity and lo and behold here comes the Amazon Queen to stand on her corner. I mean, there is a parole office there and a big ol’ RV just parked outside. Not suspicious in this neighborhood, which leads me to ask “How did they even notice this big bitch anyway?” They watch her take a few men behind the building and upon leaving her company, they go into the parole office. Weird, right? I mean who would try to sell trim outside of a parole office? Someone with huge balls, but we’ll get to that.
After watching her, one of the Idiots decide to approach her and see what’s goin’ on, if ya know what I mean. He walks up to the Amazon Queen and the conversation went a little something like this:
Idiot: What’s up?
AQ: Hey baby. How you doin’?
Idiot: Can you help me out?
AQ: I got what you need baby, come in back to my office.
Idiot: How much is it?
AQ: Hang on baby, we’ll talk once we get to my office, come on now.
Idiot: I want the good stuff.
AQ: Here you go baby, 100% pure and clean…
Good drugs? Good ass? NO! Good URINE! Yes, my pretties, URINE! She was selling the parolees clean urine for their drug tests, in big ol’ rubbers for $200. A girl’s gotta make her $$, right? So the Idiot tells the AQ that she can’t be selling that stuff out there and she needs to come with him, to which she replies “I ain’t goin’ nowhere with you” while walking away, I mean can you really be arrested for selling piss in a condom? The Idiot tries to grab her, so she starts throwing these condoms filled with piss at him and takes off. Of course, during all of this, the Idiot tries to grab her and off comes her wig. You guessed it folks, it’s a big ol’ dude dressed like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert selling condoms to men who need to pass their drug tests. At $200 a pop, she was raking it in! I say kudos to him for finding himself a niche market. During the show alone he made at least $600 and is drug free, now that’s some huge balls!
Go on with your bad self!
Talk about another Bad Idea.
The episode ends with them chasing AQ while I laugh hysterically!